Several years ago, I was lamenting my single status when a wise friend asked me a pointed question: Well, would you date you? Ouch. Since then, if I start thinking those thoughts, I turn my attention back to becoming the person who I want to be – so that I can attract the person I want to be with.

Why am I telling you this? Partly because I was inspired by a very poignant and very personal blog post by Leesa Barnes about what dating and being vulnerable has taught her about social media, and partly because it was a new way to write about article marketing strategies.

Here are five ways that you can be attractive in your articles (and they might even work for dating as well, though you should probably consult a dating expert about that):

1. Be confident but not cocky. Whether you’re sharing experience or expertise in your articles, present your ideas with certainty using strong, active language.

2. Listen at least as much as you talk. Ask for comments and respond to them. Ask your readers for article ideas and write about those. Tune in to what your target market cares about and try to help them.

3. Be yourself. There’s no point in trying to be someone you’re not at the beginning of a relationship with your reader – your true colours will come out eventually. It’s better to turn the wrong clients off right away than to waste their time and get your own hopes up about them.

4. Look your best. Staying true to yourself, you can still dress up what you have in a way that feels good to you. And then step back with an objective eye (or ask for help) to see the impression you might be making on others. (Hint: I’m talking about proofreading here!)

5. Be selective. Stop trying to date everybody – it makes you look desperate. Instead, be very clear about the audience you are looking for. Include lots of links to your colleagues with other specialties, so you can play matchmaker for those who are not a good fit for you.

Just like my friend reminded me so many years ago, the most important step in writing attractive articles is to write articles that YOU like and that make YOU happy. That is what will attract your ideal client.

Article marketing is an incredibly effective tool for growing your business, especially when compared to other forms of promotion. People are online every day looking for information to help solve their problems.

Just make sure you’re not making one of these detrimental article writing mistakes:

5. Hiding your articles. If you write an amazing article, send it out to your list once a month and then head back into the woodwork, you’re denying the world of your talents and denying your business the growth it deserves. For starters, submit that article to an article directory (general or targeted). Next, post a link to your new article to your social networks so it’s easy for your contacts to read and share your work (hint: if you publish a blog, you can set this up to happen automatically).

Read more about Mistake #5: Improving the open rates of your articles and this content case study from Bob Knorpp via @marketingprofs.

4. Writing from the rooftop. If you’re writing in a stuffy or academic style, throwing in lots of theories , jargon or technical terms (without explaining them), it can distance you from your readers and you’ll have to work harder and longer to make a meaningful, trusting connection.

Read more about Mistake #4: Want your readers to keep reading? Plain language is the key and Be a fly on the wall.

3. Leaping too many tall buildings in a single article. If you’re jamming too much information into an article, you’re liable to leave your reader’s head spinning. Is that the effect you want them to associate with you? If you’ve got a lot to say, try introducing the material briefly in a list, and then expanding on each item in a separate article. That’s what I did in this post about article marketing skills. In a blog post, you can provide links to related reading, as I have here.

Read more about Mistake #3: Trying to write the article of a lifetime? and De-clutter your message.

2. Trying to please everyone (and standing out to no one). If you’re writing generic articles that could have been written by any coach around the globe, you’re doing a disservice to the ideal client who is your perfect match. Instead, address the specific problems that your ideal client is dealing with, and use the same language they use. This will also make it easier for people to refer others to you, because you will be the first person they think of when someone mentions the problem that you solve.

Even if your niche or problem area are general, be willing to inject your own unique personality into your writing and be strong with your opinions. That saves the wrong people from wasting their time (and yours), and allows the right people to find you more quickly.

Read more about Mistake #2: Article marketing is tribal marketing, Who are you and what do you want? and Direct traffic is golden, SEO traffic is a bonus.

And now here is the worst article writing mistake you can make:

1. Not writing articles because you’re worried they won’t be good enough! Do you notice that this list doesn’t say anything about typos, grammar errors or commonly misused words? That’s because perfection is not a requirement for article marketing. Yes, I want you to proofread and deal with common writing issues, but I want you to do that WHILE you’re plugging away and honing your skills. So find the time and get going!

If you’re worried about that stuff, make sure you know where to look for the answers or hire someone to help you.

Read more about Mistake #1: Article marketing magic: Consistency is the key and Article marketing: What once was old is new again.

Are you making some of these article writing mistakes? Yes? You mean your writing isn’t perfect yet?? Welcome to the club! Mine isn’t either.

Many coaches and other service providers struggle with feelings of being an imposter. “Why would anyone hire me?” they wonder. “Why would anyone want to read what I write?” they ask. “I’m no expert!” they proclaim.

Part of my mission has always been to encourage my clients and readers to claim your expertise; to recognize that your unique combination of experiences, knowledge, skills and personality are exactly what someone else needs to overcome their problems and achieve their goals. Your experience has granted you expertise.

So now there are two distinct voices you can write with in your articles. The first is to focus on sharing your experience with your reader. Maybe you are a member of your own target market. Maybe you have helped many other people with these exact same problems. Or both.

Either way, by sharing your experience you help build trust as someone who really knows about and understands the situation. You build a connection by identifying your involvement in the community of people that your reader belongs to. And you provide hope and proof that others have solved this specific problem.

You can share your experience with case stories, examples or by making interesting connections between the topic and things that happen in your day-to-day life.

The other voice you can try on is that of an expert. You may have used your experiences to create theories, explanations or models. The most common expert offering is a list of tips or how-to’s. When you present a list like that, it’s not likely you would introduce each point with, “In my experience, a good way to start your spending off right in the New Year is…”

Instead, you present each recommended action using direct, active language and a clear suggested action for your reader to take (e.g., “Create a plan for your spending, not a budget”). And this is a perfect place to take an expert authoritative tone. Sharing your expertise this way increases your credibility and further reinforces your reader’s trust that you are committed to providing them with solutions now and in the future.

So should you share your experience or your expertise? The answer is YES! You need a balance between them. If you only share experience, your readers may value you as a peer but may not think of you when it comes to paying for solutions. If you only share expertise, your readers may respect and revere you, but lose touch if they start to feel lectured to.