A better elevator pitch? You be the judge

At a SOHO Women International meeting this morning, Lynda Robertson of the Sandler Sales Institute gave a presentation about prospecting.

I'll be blogging more about the great tips she shared, but here's one I applied immediately when I was sharing my 30-second introduction ("elevator pitch").

Here's what I planned to say:

"I'm Linda Dessau of You Talk, I'll Write. As a ghostwriter, I take my client's great ideas and put them into writing, both online and in print. As an editor, I polish those words to a shine. I work exclusively with coaches, speakers and organizers. I've created an article writing tool and you can download it for free from my website at www.youtalk-write.com."

Here's (roughly) what I said, after hearing Lynda's presentation:

"I'm Linda Dessau of You Talk, I'll Write. My clients have great ideas, but they're intimidated by the writing process, or they're worried about not writing well. So, as a ghostwriter, I take their great ideas and put them into words, both online and in print. And as an editor, I polish those words to a shine. I've created an article writing tool and you can download it for free from my website at www.youtalk-iwrite.com."

Did you notice what was different?

Lynda asked us all to think about which EMOTIONS we include in our 30-second introduction.

She reminded us that people buy based on emotion, and so we need to help them make the link between our product and services and the EMOTIONS that they either relieve (e.g. stress, worry or  fear) or elicit (e.g. peace of mind, confidence or satisfaction).

Do you have any suggestions for how I could improve my 30-second introduction? What positive EMOTIONS do you think my clients experience when I deliver their completed writing project?

Quick Writing Prompt: Whether you're speaking or writing, how can you bring more EMOTIONS into your message? Which emotions are tied in with your product or service?